The Way Things Are

by Jared Rea


Archive for January, 2008

Risk Your (social) Life: Dungeons & Dragons Online

box_ddo_side.jpgFriends and coworkers alike can tell you that I have a serious problem with MMORPG’s. Every cliché surrounding the crack-like nature of their addictiveness rings true and if I’m not looking for something to level or loot to brag about, I’m in search for the most awesome of hats to compliment my latest avatar. When I read Massively I can only imagine that this is what recovering sex addicts reading Hustler must feel like.

Which brings us to this past week and my 10-day free trial of Turbine’s other forgotten RPG, Dungeons & Dragons Online: Stormreach. Though it’s been around for almost two years now, I’ve only ever met one person who has actually played it and that was before release even. Despite a lack of anyone I know playing it, it’s somehow been popping up more and more in conversation. Maybe everyone is burnt out of what’s available and they’re not sure about the year ahead. Regardless, I wanted to see what all the fuss, or lack of, is all about.

Continue reading ‘Risk Your (social) Life: Dungeons & Dragons Online’

No Country for Old Arcades

svgl_jared_feature.jpgMoments after being handed my first set of car keys, I began a ritual that would be repeated multiple times each week for nearly a decade now. I’d grab my cup full of tokens, the latest Super Eurobeat release (it being the style at the time) and proceed to tear through the windy hillside road that exits Livermore, kick the Nissan over four lanes and blaze down the freeway. Thirty-five miles and forty minutes later, I’d find myself at Sunnyvale Golfland: the arcade mecca of Northern California.

I’d like to think that like most good anti-social gamers, I spent the majority of my childhood in an arcade, but talking to a lot of folks I know within the industry, that doesn’t seem to be the case. When I speak of arcades now, in the present tense, I get confused stares and wide-eyed wonder.

“There are still arcades?”

The arcade industry, if we can still call it one, is hurting. No doubt about it. All the advantages that kept us coming to them up until the 90’s are gone, their technological edge having withered. For the young gamers of today, there seems to be little, if any point to venture into one of these dungeons of videogames and that’s a shame. Ten years from now there may not even be any arcades to cry for.

While putting together my current feature, No Country for Old Arcades, two arcades were shut down across two different states. If not now, we’ll never have a chance to tell their stories.

From now until whenever I’m actually stopped, I’ll be traveling around the country in search for the last great arcades in America. Interviewing the operators, talking with the players and attempting to give a voice to a piece of our culture that is slowly and very surely, fading away.

If you have some spots in mind, I’m all ears. I have some truly incredible folks already lending me a hand such as Eddie from Bemanistyle and Seth from Capcom, but any input is good input. Already this feature is starting to gain a life of its own and snowballing into something truly special.

“Dead On Arrival”

rockband_rrod.jpgShortly before news hit that Oasis would be joining the DLC parade, I put in a RMA ticket for my current drum kit. It wasn’t technically broken per say, but I started to notice that I was getting random misses more and more often. So instead of waiting for it to completely fall apart, I got EA on the horn and put in for a new set.

When I did this, I had illusions of grandeur. At a New Years Eve party, someone brought a brand new PS3 Rock Band set with a manufacture date of late November. This is important because the drum kit inside was absolutely amazing. Somewhere down the line, Harmonix started using a different set of drum pads for the kits which were not only more accurate than what most of us are used to, but they were also extremely quiet. The “thock thock thock” that most people attribute to the drum kit was replaced with a very soft thumping sound as seen in most commercial and non-commercial mods.

I was incredibly stoked to receive my newly silenced, Expert destroying drum kit, only to have the new drums arrive and find out that it has the exact same problem as my current kit. Sound? Still annoying. Red drum pad? Still won’t accept proper drum rolls.

So now I have to call EA on Tuesday and see what I can do. In the meantime, one of these kits will have to suffice for the week. Papa wants some Oasis.

Screenshot or it Didn’t Happen: Oasis in Rock Band

rockband_oasis_xbox.jpgI remember the good ol’ days of Rock Band when Harmonix would let us know a whole month ahead of time to what tune we were to surrender our wallets. We’ve been flying at the seat of our thrones for the past couple of weeks, finding out what’s next only a few short days before release and that’s if we were lucky. Justin over at NeoGAF spotted a shot in the dark today and one that’s no longer there! Crap! Well, for those who missed it, here’s what’s on the horizon for Rock Band-

Week of January 22, 2008
Oasis Pack includes songs by Oasis including “Don’t Look Back in Anger,” “Live Forever,” and “Wonderwall”

Week of January 29, 2008
Progressive Pack includes “Siva” by Smashing Pumpkins, “Working Man” as made famous by Rush *, and “Ten Speed (Of God’s Blood and Burial)” as made famous by Coheed and Cambria *

Could they have possibly have picked a more obscure Pumpkins song? In other news, Tiff and I discovered the secret to the universe. Why don’t you go swing on a star and find out.

[Update] I was chatting with Chris Grant about this and he pointed out that while the information is gone, it still mentions Oasis right at the top. Classy!

Wide World of Wrasslin’

Fire Pro Get!

Thanks, Jon! I’ve been searching all over for Fire Pro Wrestling Returns for quite a while now and miraculously, Agetec came up with two copies for the wrestling obsessed here at the office. I haven’t played one of these since the Saturn days (Six Man Scramble!), so I plan on coming home and receiving a brutal trashing at the hands of this game.

Should I actually manage to learn how to play this again, I totally want to put together my own federation. For those not in the know, Fire Pro is one of the most customizable games ever, to the point where you can create your own league. Mine would consist of nothing but the coolest damn wrestlers on the planet. Money INC, Mr. Perfect, the Hart Foundation, Scott Hall, Ricky Steamboat … man, this is going to rule. I’m also thinking I’d need some ace jobbers like Savio Vega, Norman Smiley and if I could pull it off, the Shockmaster!

Links Get!: Customizable Sodomy edition

Today is a fantastic day to be reading! Now if only I actually had the time to do it. I’m a bit slammed as far as work goes this week as I’m having to play catch up for being out sick all last week, but I really wanted to share three stories that have been making the rounds.

Mass Effect features “customizable sodomy” - I don’t know whether he realizes it or not, but conservative blogger Kevin McCullough just so happens to use the Internet. An Internet that is home to some of the most out-of-bounds, mind-boggling acts of sexuality available on the face the planet. How he considers Mass Effect to feature “the most realistic sex acts ever conceived,” we may never know. I always thought that, you know, “doin’ the dirty” was the most realistic one could get. What follows is an entry so out of control that all it needs is the Onion logo in the corner.

Chris and Patrick have a Boll - While I was out seeing Juno twice this weekend (Anyone else want to see it? I can go for three.), my buddies Chris and Patrick were out doing their gaming duty and checking out the latest Uwe Boll flick for Dungeon Siege. Hilarity ensues.

Todd Holland (The Wizard) interview - AICN catches up with Todd Holland, director of the 1989 cinema classic, The Wizard. This will become much more important later this month, but if you love The Wizard as much as I do, you’ll want to check out this interview. Having read it, my conclusion is that the original script must have been shit and that Todd Holland is some sort of mangod.