[Madden] Around Silver and Black, Never Relax

August 17th, 2008 | Category: videogames

Now I’ve done it. I’ve kicked off my on-going series of Madden entries with my signature line of trash talk. All that’s left now is, you know, actual discussion. Yes, it’s another year good ol’ EA Sports football and I’m hoping that this year will be better than the last. I don’t mean the game itself. This years game is great! I’m talking about my performance. Despite playing some form of Madden or NCAA Football for nearly a decade straight, I still suck quite a bit. I throw more interceptions per game than John Madden downs hoagies per hour. It’s a sad sight.

Not helping matters is my choice of team: the Oakland Raiders. They’re tied for second worst team in the league this year with a pitiful score of 71, so once again it’ll be an uphill battle. Fortunately, it seems impossible to actually draw penalties this year, sparing myself at least one form of self defeat with my favorite team.

First up in my quest to be a Super Bowl champion was a rivalry game against the Denver Broncos. Welcome to the black hole, bitches.

Realizing that I’m quite possibly the worst quarterback in Madden history, I tried keeping the ball on the ground as much as possible. This meant handing off the brunt of the work to Raider newcomer Darren McFadden. This ended up being a great plan as he pushed for half of our total yards and wound up converting practically all of our third downs. Now I’ll just have to pray that he stays injury free for the rest of the season. The odds of this seem pretty low as he was getting tossed all over the place by the Bronco fatties.

Oh, speaking of McFadden, he helped me acquired what could possibly be the most awesome Achievement ever conceived-

Slam Dunk All-Star, 30
Dunk the ball over the goalpost (or at least attempt to) after a touchdown

Thanks, rookie!

The rest of the game was largely uneventful with me shutting down the Broncos defense for a final score of 21-0. I managed to give up only one interception which I’m not too proud to say I mulligan– err, I mean, I utilized the “EA Sports Replay” to take it back, double-stamp, no erasies. This managed to net me four achievements at the end of the game for utterly destroying my rival team. My Madden IQ was raised due to this, so next time I probably won’t be so lucky.